The Roller Coaster

Everybody tells you that the adoption process is a roller coaster of emotions, but I don't think anyone starting the process believes it until they are on the roller coaster. We have had our many ups and downs, but this recent down has been a doozy. We have been waiting (and waiting and waiting and waiting...) to hear that we have been approved, that the powers that be at DFCS have deemed us worthy to be a foster to adopt parent. We have called and been told that it is going through the process and they would call us when it was done. We finally were told that it was on the Director's desk, the final person in the process...we were so excited, thinking two weeks max and we will be approved and then it would be time to wait for a child. Well, that was one month ago and we are still hearing the same song and dance, there is a back log...we will let you know... Needless to say, we were starting to get fed up. Admist all of our frustrations we have found out some information that leads us to believe that we have been put on the back burner. We have spent the weekend praying about what we are to do next. We do know that we will be going to DFCS tomorrow to meet face-to-face with our caseworker to share our concerns and to try to resolve this issue. There are some other options we are considering but I will have to leave you in suspense for now.

One thing that has come out of this is God's constant reminders that He is still in control. On Friday, when all this reached a boiling point, God sent some reminders for us. One was from a friend's blog talking about hope and the joys and frustrations of hoping and hoping. Another was when Robert and I talked and prayed about this whole situation, one of the things that I talked and prayed about was about how stressed and tired I was through this process. I was simply exhausted with all the worry and speculation. During our prayer time, God put a song into my head, the song "Still". It is one we sing at our church and one that I love. The verse that popped into my head was, "Find rest my soul, In Christ alone. Know His power, In Quietness and Trust." Awesome song! Well this morning at church, guess what song we sang...yep, that very song. And since I am in the choir I got to sing it in practice and both services. I was a blubbering mess, most thought I was hurting and I was, but it was also the blessed sweet reminder from God that He DOES CARE and that He is in CONTROL. By the way, I have also felt much more at peace with the whole situation since Friday.

God has also used friends and family this weekend to encourage us through this down time. Friends who not even knowing the whole situation or what was troubling us who gave a hug, said a pray or a word of encouragement, some of you have no idea what your words have meant. Family who have been supportive now and throughout the whole process. Friends who didn't force me to talk when I wasn't able or didn't want to, who listened when I was mad and hurting, friends who were just there when I needed them to be there. I am not going to mention names because I don't want to leave anyone out, but you know who you are. A husband who has been extremely patient and understanding of his crazy wife and her crazy ideas and who has had to listen to most of my rantings (thank you Robert, I love you, you are the best husband). Friends and family who have been praying from a distance because you aren't physically here, but you are here emotionally and spiritually. I say all this to say thank you, thank you and thank you. I love all of you.

So, pray as we go tomorrow to meet with our caseworker, that God will give us the words to say and that we will say them with love, compassion and a Christian attitude. Pray for the decisions we still have to make as to what to do now. Pray that we will continue to seek after God and that we will trust Him and find our rest in Him.

Still, by Reuben Morgan

Hide me now,
Under your wings.
Cover me,
Within your mighty hands.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with above the storm.
Father, you are king over the flood,
I will be still and know you are God.

Find rest my soul,
In Christ alone.
Know His power,
In quietness and trust.